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Happy Holidays!

December 24, 2008

From me to you, good company, good food, good drink, good presents, and good cheer!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Humanlight!

Happy Hanukkah!

Merry Festivus!

Happy Kwanzaa!

Merry Yule!

For everyone else, Happy Thursday!

Quick thought

December 23, 2008
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‘Tis the season for remembering and appreciating the good in place of dwelling on the bad. With that in mind, I have a quick story.

One day, I was feeling a little tired and under the weather. I was home with the kids while Meg was out shopping, just kinda curled up on the couch with my arm hanging out over the armrest.

Shannon, our youngest, walks up to where my arm was hanging with a big smile on her face. I thought she was going after my coffee mug which was on the table beyond my dangling extremity, so I half-heartedly lifted it to block her from getting it. Instead, she leans over and plants a little kiss on my hand and runs away. Kids can melt your heart.

In the spirit of the holiday, next time she pokes me in the eye, gets gunk all over my glasses, head-butts my nose, takes everything out of the cupboard and places it on the floor, hides my keys, or head-butts my testicles, I will do my best to remember that little kiss and decide to keep her around for a little longer.

Kentucky stupidity

December 3, 2008

I was working on a post on the atheist Christmas display in Olympia, WA but I’ve gotten about 70 emails about this. Readers, your voices are heard and I, while annoyed at the distraction, will respond!

The State of Kentucky has added words to their homeland security code that stresses God’s role in providing security to the state. Obviously, this is a giant violation of church/state separation and will be dealt with accordingly. However, there is a more disturbing depth to this frame of mind.

To say that giving credit for our safety to god is ludicrous isn’t enough. Think of the most hyperbolic waste of human thought, and that’s what this is. I simply don’t have the words, but I will be taking ideas in the comments. The winner will get their words edited into this post and the scorn of religious folk everywhere!

Let’s take a look at the world as it is today and consider the evidence of how trustworthy a supernatural, all-powerful being is with our safety. 9/11, Darfur, the London Underground bombing, AIDS, malaria, TB, starvation, the tsunami in Indonesia, hurricane Katrina, Somali pirates, religious terrorism in India, Nick Berg, mutating influenza, idiots who won’t get vaccinated, climate change, earthquakes, unemployment, homelessness, etc. There is so much pain and misery inflicted on the innocent of this world, that it’s a wonder to me that the faithful think that their god is protecting, rather than actively trying to annihilate us!

Now, that last is obviously an exaggeration, but if an all-powerful being was protecting us,
wouldn’t we at least be protected from these things? Now, I am well aware of the default theist cop-out, “The lord works in mysterious ways”, but that simply does not address that fact that no-one who values their life and well-being can put their trust in a god. No matter who you are, no matter how much faith you have, your god will do as he will, and damn the consequences. Sounds a hell of a lot like luck and random occurrence to me, so forgive me if my if this doesn’t inspire my confidence!

I’d also challenge the faithful to think on this: no matter how much you say you trust your life to god, you don’t and that’s a fact. Protest this point all you like, but you will still lock your door when you go to bed tonight, and you still look both ways before crossing the street. Even the pope rides in a bulletproof car.

Alignment tonight

December 1, 2008

Look to the southish skies tonight to see a rare alignment of Venus, Jupiter, and the crescent Moon! It will be quite a sight to behold!

Undo Proposition 8

November 29, 2008

Christmas + Chocolate = My Fat Ass in Dover Tomorrow

November 28, 2008

It may not be Punkin Chunkin, but at the Rollins Center at Dover Downs this weekend, they’re doing Christmas and chocolate.

There will be carolling, chocolate, ice sculptures, chocolate, electric trains, chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate.

And me and the fam. If you have the time tomorrow, get in your chocolates and drive chocolate on route chocolate and chocolate the chocolate chocolate.

Hope to see you there!

-Chocolate

Tips on winning the War on Christmas

November 28, 2008

I guess we have Bill O’Reilly, reactionary idiot extraordinaire, for the artificed conflict of the War on Christmas, but now that there’s a media-supported war on this most cherished of American holidays, how do we win? Well, count on good ol’ M-BA to provide you with the ammo that you need to win the struggle that the holidays have always brought (since 2003). In the spirit of making every American a happy and productive member of the conservative collective, please read and take to heart the following tips. If you don’t, you will be hunted and slaughtered in the name of our Lord and Prince of Peace, Jesus Effing Christ:

  • It’s easy, while doing your shopping, to think of the gifts you buy as a try at hitting a target. Instead, remember that you are trying to do something nice for someone else. That, instead of just throwing an item at them, you are trying to make them happy and to see their smile.
  • Remember that Christmas is not a goal, it’s a time to be enjoyed. Anticipation and excitement permeate the air which is illuminated by multi-colored lights, snowmen, wicker deer, giant blow-up snow globes, and Santas on the sled. Any time wasted on dreading shopping, arguments with family, gift returns, etc goes against the spirit of the holiday, so don’t indulge in that kind of waste.
  • Also remember that the person that wishes you a “Happy Holiday” has no way of knowing if you are christian, jewish, muslim, or atheist and is honestly just wishing you well for the season. Take that as the kindness that it is.
  • Alternatively, if someone wishes you “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Hanukkah”, “Merry Yule”, etc, don’t take offense that they didn’t guess your religion right. Again, they are just wishing you well. Do the same for them and go on your merry way.
  • Religious folk: don’t take offense at an atheist that respectfully declines to engage in prayer. Understand that, while they may love this time of year, they don’t share in the religious meaning of it. Isn’t it enough that we also celebrate peace, charity, and goodwill?
  • Atheists: remember that this season does have religious meaning to a majority of folks. In the spirit of goodwill, show a little extra patience for those who feel the need to pray over dinner or anything else. You are not obliged to participate, but it won’t kill you to sit in silence for a moment.
  • Remember to laugh. Your grand-pop will say something antiquated and offensive, your kids will act with unrestrained greed for toys and cookies, your sister will not offer to help with the dishes. When it’s all over, however, you will remember the love, smiles, and laughter, not any of the stresses. So, if you choose to laugh rather than react in anger, you have that much more to remember!

This is a season for family, fun, and love throughout our country, whether you are are atheist or not. Do yourself a favor and don’t indulge in the media-manufactured farce of the war on Christmas. Instead, drive through your neighborhood and enjoy your neighbor’s hard work on the lights, drop a few bucks in your donation box of choice, show your kids the constellations in the Christmas skies, and hold your family tight as if it’s the last holiday you’ll spend with them.

That’s how you win the War on Christmas. Don’t play.