Danica Patrick bests Optimus Prime in celebrity race
Famed Indy car drive Danica Patrick scored a resounding victory over fictional cartoon star and guardian of the Autobot Matrix Optimus Prime on a winter race-off in Indianapolis. The race, sponsored by Michelin and Umbrella Corporation, succeeding in settling the age-old argument: “Who could win a race; a fictional robotic truck or a woman?”
Ms. Patrick, who races under Motorola’s banner and is rumored to be considering a jump to Formula 1, was confident about a subtle shift in her normal racing strategy. Said the Indy racer:
Normally, I research my opponents, drive uncountable test runs, and go all out when I hit the tarmac. Today, I’m going to switch it up a little bit just by being able to show up.
Ms. Patrick’s odd new strategy resulted in a decisive victory over the cartoon hero, and was supported as a good move by one racing fan wo was heard to say, “Well, Danica always gives it her all, but I think her new, simpler strategy of simply existing in the real world won her this race.”
In related news, President Barack Obama has surpassed Jesus Christ in a new Harris opinon poll to find America’s No. 1 hero.