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17 Days: Boo Berry

October 14, 2008

It’s time to face the peril that I’ve been dreading all goddamn day. The enemy: Boo Berry. The challenge: survival. This ancient spectre of misery and damaged intestinal tracks has blighted the darkest corners of my mind and haunted my most macabre nightmares. Look at him, taunting me with his inexplicably toothy smile. Ghosts shouldn’t have teeth, should they?

Bring it, you heavy-eyelidded son of a bitch! You won’t break me!

The cereal is oddly dark, an omen of my prospects for the future. The marshmallows are the same as in Frankenberry, so I won’t won’t bore you with he same joke. My heart’s just not in it. Well, here goes…

Maybe my spirit is a little bit broken. As I’m preparing for my ultimate demise, it’s relevant that the show that’s on the TV is Discovery’s Destroyed in Seconds, a show that displays different things being demolished in  relatively short amount of time. The next segment on the show is about my will to live. I’ve stalled enough… here goes…

Hey! Not bad! The sweetness is there, but it’s not nearly as cloying as Frankenberry. No heart palpitations, no veins trembling in my arms, and my shaken love of life has not been altogether destroyed! Well, I guess my stomach is revolting a little, but I think I’m gonna make it.

Boo Berry, no matter how much you look like classic movie bad-ass Peter Lorre, you are weak! WEAK, BITCH! HAHAHAHAAAAH!

Since Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute no longer exist, thus ends my rekindled acquaintance with ultra-sweet, deadly children’s cereal. I’m glad it ended on a high note, specifically my continued existence, and hope that you have enjoyed it as much as I didn’t!

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. Ed T. permalink
    October 14, 2008 6:51 am

    I always likened Boo Berry to the “stoner” of the bunch due to his perpetual smile and heavy lids. His cereal should have been called “Boo Bitchen Berry”…

  2. Ed T. permalink
    October 14, 2008 6:58 am

    Fruity Yummy Mummy makes your tummy feel yummy! Heh, heh, heh!

  3. KLT permalink
    October 14, 2008 10:51 am

    What was Fruit Brute? A wolfman? Never heard of it.

  4. October 14, 2008 10:56 am

    Yeah, Fruit Brute was the wolfman:

  5. October 14, 2008 11:17 am

    That last picture of you is REALLY scary !

  6. October 14, 2008 11:18 am

    Oh, that’s just because I’m ugly.

  7. Ed T. permalink
    October 14, 2008 12:04 pm

    Fruit Brute had Fruity flavored crisps and lime flavored marshmallows…

  8. October 14, 2008 12:07 pm

    That sounds so gross that I must have some!

  9. October 14, 2008 6:05 pm

    I am so loving these cereal reviews ! I was always kookoo for Cocoa Puffs, but that is lame compared to Boo Berry.

  10. October 15, 2008 7:38 am

    Unfortunately, the cereal reviews are over for now, as there aren’t any more monster cereals in existence to review. Unless I could find a full box of Fruit Brute, at which point I’d fill a bowl, pick up the phone, and dial 9-1 and the final one as I lost consciousness.

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