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My morning hell

January 16, 2007
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When I get up for work in the morning, I head straight to the shower, then brush, then make coffee. While that’s brewing, I get my first cigarette, then maybe check my auctions on WoW, prepare my thermos for work, spend a few minutes with the wife and kid, then kisses and byes and I step into the car and drive off to work.

What you don’t see in there is that during that whole time from waking to getting in the car, there is one line of a random song constantly playing in my head. It plays over and over, that one line. It’s torturous, and I can’t stop it until the radio goes on in the car. I’ve been thinking about why this happens, and I’ve figured out that it’s because I’m fucking insane.

One day, the radio trick won’t work, and they’ll find me on the side of the road, hugging my knees, rocking back and forth, and singing, “Fruit salad! Yummy yummy! Fruit salad! Yummy yummy! Fruit salad! Yummy yummy! Fruit salad! Yummy yummy! Fruit salad! Yummy yummy! Fruit salad! Yummy yummy!” They will then place me in a padded, soundproof room where Meg and Erin can watch me banging my head against the wall, singing that line from that Prince song, or that Beatles song, or that Matchbox 20 song.

So, if one day, the posts stop for two weeks or more, please come visit me at the asylum and say Hi. Bring a revolver.

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. January 16, 2007 12:09 pm

    “They will then place me in a padded, soundproof room where Meg and Erin can watch me banging my head against the wall”…

    Just like work, but with less indians…

  2. Ed T. permalink
    January 16, 2007 2:14 pm

    I like that better that than the alternatives such as “Hot potato hot potato!” or “Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog!” that I get to enjoy in the AM as well…

  3. January 16, 2007 2:18 pm

    Oh, I’ve gotten the goddamn Hot Dog song as well.

  4. Meggie permalink
    January 16, 2007 3:20 pm

    You men really need to get a life and realize that those treasured hymns are really just the gateway into your own childhood that you have repressed for so long that you forgot you were once a child….WTF am I saying, all of you are STILL children and really you just hate to admit that secretly you love those little ditties and actually continue to listen to them in the car, long after the kids are at daycare!

    Meggie

  5. January 16, 2007 3:52 pm

    When my son was two we went on an illfated ski trip. There was an ice storm that kept us inside for four days.

    We went out for dinner one night and my two year old got a stomach flu and it quicky spread..one by one, to everyone in the house.

    We spent the days crying, puking and washing sheets. Then the ice storm knocked out the cable TV and we only had one video tape.

    “Barney’s Exercise Circus & Parade of Numbers”

    That was eight years ago and I still can’t consider going skiing.

  6. January 16, 2007 4:25 pm

    “You men really need to get a life and realize that those treasured hymns are really just the gateway into your own childhood that you have repressed for so long that you forgot you were once a child….WTF am I saying, all of you are STILL children and really you just hate to admit that secretly you love those little ditties and actually continue to listen to them in the car, long after the kids are at daycare!”

    Crack kills, honey!

  7. January 16, 2007 4:26 pm

    Good god, Jason!

    It’s amazing that you didn’t go Jack Torrence on your family.

  8. January 16, 2007 6:19 pm

    Based on a radio story I heard a few years ago, I have found humming or singing “Girl from Ipanema” to be a foolproof way to get an annoying song out of your head. If you can’t stand “Girl from Ipanema” then you’re on your own.

  9. January 16, 2007 6:30 pm

    Wouldn’t that just get Girl from Iponema stuck in your head?

  10. January 17, 2007 8:20 am

    Imagine a room full of Jack Torrences.

  11. January 17, 2007 8:48 am

    Wow, that’s a lot of work and very little play.

  12. January 18, 2007 10:39 am

    As long as the song isn’t Helter Skelter you’re gonna be alllllright, Joe.

  13. January 18, 2007 11:11 am

    Well, there is the matter of my beard getting kinda bushy and the swastika tattooed on my forehead…

  14. January 20, 2007 11:53 pm

    Joe, in case you have forgotten: toot, toot, big red car, we travel near and we travel far…

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