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Zero-tolerance gone bad

December 21, 2006

Like there’s any other way for it to go.

Hey folks, sorry about the lack of updates, but that’s going to be the case until the holidays pass. While you deal with that bad news with wailing and gnashing of teeth, read this wonderful article compliments of AP via

Maryland 5-Year-Old Accused Of Pinching Buttocks

(AP) HAGERSTOWN, Md. A father in Maryland says his 5-year-old son knows nothing about sex, but the boy was written up for sexually harassing a kindergarten classmate.

Washington County school officials told Charles Vallance that his son pinched a girl’s buttocks earlier this month in a hallway at Lincolnshire Elementary School. The school says that meets the state’s definition of sexual harassment. Vallance says his son was only playing around and had no sexual intent.

School officials say the incident will remain in the boys file until he goes to middle school.

Citing state data, the (Hagerstown) Herald-Mail reports that 28 kindergarten students in Maryland were suspended for sex offenses in the last school year – 15 of those suspensions for sexual harassment.

So, 15 kindergarteners have gotten suspended this school year in MD for sexual harassment. Why don’t we just round up these perverts and have them arrested? I feel repressed memories of this one kid in my kindergarten who ran around licking the other kids coming on. That fucker’s going down!

In all seriousness, this is the kind of thing that happens when the schools, throwing reason out the window, adopt zero-tolerance policies for offenses. I understand the desire to simplify the process of mediation and punishment, but pegging a five-year-old as a sex offender for goosing some girl is ridiculous beyond the scope of even my well-developed powers of mockery.

I guess as a parent, I now get to worry not only about real sexual predators, but the draconian policies of lackwit administration that may one day peg my daughter as an offender.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. Ed T. permalink
    December 21, 2006 10:37 am

    AWESOME! This is just as good as the 3 year old in NC that got suspended because he hugged his teacher too close to her breasts! As the parent of two small kids, I really hope that we can get our collective heads out of our asses in my children’s lifetime.

    I just had to sit with one of my friends who explained that while his son was in counseling for his ADHD issue, the child told the therapist that his dad spanked him for trying to stick a fork into another child’s eye (the boy is 6) and the therapist immediately canceled all future sessions (with no refund of cash BTW) and reported the father to the DFS chapter. Because of such, my friend and coworker now has to go to court, seek “anger management counseling and will be monitored for 3 months to ensure the welfare of his child. Best part: The therapist states that the child’s ADHD was more than likely a result of the negligence and violence from his father. Nothing like seeing a 35 year old man cry for delivering parental discipline. Seems to me in 15 years when his kid is killing people in a high school that the news and police will report the kid lacked parental discipline and arrest the father…


  2. Nancy Willing permalink
    December 21, 2006 5:10 pm

    I heard that the dad says that the kid has no idea what sex is so how can it be sexual harrassment.
    I say that ANY PSHYCH major will tell you that at that age there is no conception of harrassment!

  3. December 23, 2006 10:24 pm

    You know, it’s a damn good thing I went to elementary school in the early 50’s, otherwise I would still be locked up somewhere! Come to think of it, most of those I grew up with would likely be keeping me company. This BS is really starting to get out of hand. Are we seeing this because our school administrators have no common sense? I know they can’t manage money in the CSD but it seems that people entrusted with the education of our children could do some thinking once in awhile.

  4. January 4, 2007 12:32 pm

    These are the exact kinds of situations that make me apprehensive about having children.

  5. Angie Harsh permalink
    January 11, 2007 10:56 pm

    I am embarassed to admit that I live in this podunk town that suspended this child for sexual harrassment. Among other things that I wrote to the editor of the paper and amazingly they printed it I asked a question of which I am yet to get an answer.
    “What would they have charged this child with had he pinched another little boy” I tell you I smell a grant being applied for such as Sexual harassment at the elementary school level, and these children just being statistics to justify this. You know for highly educated people they dont have one ounce of common sense. Smart enough to tell you why it rains, and not enough sense to come in out of it.

  6. January 15, 2007 7:57 am


    I would imagine that, had the child pinched another boy, he would have been suspended. On top of that, his family would probably have had to deal with brick being thrown through their windows with messages that read “fagot”*.

    *Intentionally misspelled as a commentary on the intelligence level of assholes that do this kind of shit.

  7. Angie Harsh permalink
    January 31, 2007 2:43 am

    Very good point. I thought more along the lines of a medal for putting multicultural education into motion. Or an award for exhibiting sexual diversity. I get crazy when I see lables such as this labeled on young children. Their names in the paper, and a stigmatism for years. I wonder if they ever addressed the actual issue of pinching and hurting another child. It was said that it is state law, and I have researched state law on this issue and I do not see where the intent of the law was to encompass pre-school and kindergarden children. What’s next, will they put their pictures on the internet. It is disgusting to me.

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